“Cash or card?” — my daughter-in-law asked me right in the middle of the table as if I were her wallet, while my son dragged me to what he called a “normal family dinner,” where 12 people had already eaten through more than $8,000 before they even bothered to look at my face. But the coldest part of that night was not the number printed on the check. It was not the bottles of wine ordered as casually as extra ice, either. It was the way the whole table went quiet on the exact same beat, like everyone already knew my role except me.